It's Saturday night and here I am...doing what I normally do on Saturday night....sitting at my computer--an exciting night of working. I don't mean to sound so negative. I could easily change this if I wanted to. It's up to me. I don't have to work on Saturday night. My job keeps me busy, but I could be doing something different tonight. I choose to work. Why do I chose to?
That's a question I've been trying to answer lately. Is it just that I have nothing better to do, especially now that my husband is working a couple of states away (I could easily find something if I really wanted to)? Is it that I get somewhat of a sense of anxiety if I have work "hanging over my head," even if it's something that really can wait until I'm back in the office? I should add that I really do like being enmeshed in my work. MOST of the time, I enjoy my job, and I like MOST of the stuff that goes along with it. I even like MOST college students (stress MOST). I like research, and I like teaching--which are two of the main components of what I do.
My dad was a workaholic when he was younger. I think I am like my dad with one big difference--my career is in a different age, in terms of technology. I can't leave work at work because so much of my work is computer-based. I can even access my work computer at home, which is a blessing and a curse. This allows me to work 60 hours a week, but it also allows me to leave work at 2:30 on some days. So I struggle with the idea of trying to have more balance between my work life and my home life--but then I struggle with the question of whether I want more balance. In essence, I am who I am. Sometimes I think I'm not very much fun, and sometimes I don't think I have that many friends, but do those things really bother me? Honestly, I don't think so, but I'm really not sure.
Speaking of having a life outside of work, college basketball has started. In the winter, this is pretty much my life outside of work. I love the atmosphere of college basketball games--the music, the crowd, and (yes) even the cheerleaders. I love college football, too, except my interest in college football is limited to our team, and my interest in college basketball is more broad. Sometimes I am feeling down, and the atmosphere of a game is what brings me up. It's impossible to feel down (for me) at a game. Even now, with Bill not being able to go with me most of the time, I enjoy going. I'm even okay with going alone. (Obviously, it's more fun when Bill goes with me, and it's not like I don't know anyone when I get there anyway.)
I've been getting up early to get on my spin bike in the mornings. I'm only running about twice a week. That's a big change for me, but change can be good sometimes. It's hard lately for me to find daylight hours to run. It's pitch black when I get on the spin bike at 5:40 a.m. I guess tonight we set the clocks back (spring forward, fall back). I have never heard a good explanation for why we observe daylight savings time. If you have one, let me know. I really don't get it.
Anyway, I am struggling with how much I want to be running right now. Part of me has a sense of guilt for cutting back, and part of me understands the need for a change in routine. I am wondering if registering for a marathon or maybe even just a half-marathon in the spring or summer would help me out. That would assure me that I will get back into it in a more "hardcore" fashion, and maybe help me relax for a bit (as odd as that may sound). I do love the spin bike, though. You can sit, hover, stand, do hills, sprints, etc. Does it get boring? It can, but watching my favorite shows while on the bike helps a lot.
On another note, I'm reading a good book (work-related) called Aging with Grace. I've read it before, a few years back, but it is a book assigned to my students so I felt like I needed to read it again to refresh myself. It's about a great study on aging that was conducted using nuns as participants. The main focus of the study is Alzheimer's Disease, which is obviously an interest of mine both personally and professionally. I love how this book takes a well-designed research study and makes it readable and interesting to the general public. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment when I find a book like this that I can assign to my students. It occurred to me recently that I read two types of books: books about running and books about aging. I guess I've even read a couple of books on aging runners, now that I think about it...
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